quotes

I now have a sponsor, a temp sponsor, but someone I can touch base with each day. went to a meeting last night. one of the women in our group was speaking at a large men/women meeting. she was great,, interesting, funny, REAL, smart, full of light….4 years sober, went through ALOT—and survived. and is effin happy to tell about it.

i’ve been collecting quotes  to keep on my phone, desktop etc, just to reference throughout the day:

>be grateful. these feelings, no matter how painful, are part of living.

today, we are alive—not anesthetized, not sedated, not passed out.

take control of your feelings and through action you can change.

today, as every day of sober living,, we have a choice.

ann d. clark<

 

it’s my official wallpaper for the week.

 

later….

tues

good meeting last night, i mean, i really liked it. Next one is thursday…..looking forward to it. I don’t subscribe to everything they teach, but, I still think it’s important that I go. Really honest women in there. Good stuff.

mon

heading to a meeting tonight…my first one as an actual participant…i went years ago with a friend to support her. we’ll see how it goes…. I just want to sit here, drink, sit on my couch and hide. But I shan’t. I really don’t like how ugly i become, how my actions have played out while drunk over the past month.  It’s not me, it’s just not me.

ups and downs

Last week was a long week. Full of ups and downs, the ups, i have accepted a new job with a really nice salary increase (more responsibility tho) and I”m in the process of buying a home…a very small home, but, it would be mine.

The downs, I drank some nights and fell back into even deeper depression about my recent sad events. Last tuesday was bad, very bad. My friends, even tho they are far away, help me in so many ways. Words of encouragement, emails, phone calls etc. I’ve kept my drinking , well, my desire to stop drinking, a secret from them until recently. They are on-board and could not be any more supportive.

I listened to Hip Sobriety/I fly at night podcast yesterday. They spoke with A. Burroughs. It was a great talk. Fantastic podcast.

writing

up early sat a.m. hangover free. fed the birds, then made coffee, fed my kitties, then we all sat by the window to watch the birds. it’s one of my (our) favorite things.

i started writing the other evening, just long hand, it’s a new thing for me but i’ve heard it’s a good thing to do……so write i will

super sad dreams the past two nights, maybe i’m processing things more in my dreams? or beginning to let go or, well, i really have no idea but i wrote out my dream this a.m.

that’s all for now, have a sober saturday….

een

woo woo words…

last night i joined some folks in a few games of poker. I”m learning as are many of the other women in the group. It’s a casual get together at one of the women’s homes, food and lots of liquor. I took my stand in drinks and my bottle of water and was fine. And some of the women only had two drinks then switched to water. I had lots of fun and laughed a lot. I was so happy to drive home, make tea and just read through some sober material before bed.

I”m not a big fan of what I call ‘woo woo’ talk but I think i’ll have to use it now and then and just get over it. (myself)  I felt really….(ugggghggghg, here we go…) empowered.

so yeah, way different than last sat where I was drunk out of my mind, making horrible decisions, an emotional wreck.

amazing.